The Party Is in the Staff Lounge

On Friday, I was at one of our schools for an eighth-grade dance. I arrived just in time to sit in on the leadership team’s huddle about the safety plan for that evening. It was serious, professional, and tightly run. 

And not five minutes later, the same team was engaged in a conversation about what songs they liked to play before going out on the town. One person started playing dance music from his phone, and it quickly turned the staff lounge into a mini-party. 

Seeing the switch in conversation was almost like seeing a totally different set of people. For example, I’d never even seen one assistant principal sitting down, only walking briskly down the hallway or directing students. Yet there he was, kicked back in a chair, relaxed, and teasing his colleagues (and being teased right back).

I had met most people on the school’s leadership team before, but I learned far more about who they were personally in those 20 minutes than in any of the formal introductions because they’d shifted to hang-out mode. Having the dance later that evening created a gap where everyone was in the same space but wasn’t pressed to move quickly to their next meeting. And because it was Friday, they weren’t worried about everything needed for the next day. The relaxed schedule enabled the relaxed mood. 

It was hard not to contrast that moment with the normal schedule most leaders I know have—back-to-back meetings with little buffer. Even when we try to do icebreakers or connection moments at the start of meetings, they rarely match the relationship-building benefits of the unscripted hang time you get when you don’t have anything to do or anywhere to be.

Friday was so much fun that I told one of the school team members, “I think I’m only going to visit after school from now on.” In reality, the experience inspired me to imagine how I might create more “Friday afternoon” moments for my direct team—and it’s probably a worthwhile thought exercise for anyone trying to build a team with real relationships.

Those Friday afternoon moments don’t require a big budget, a team offsite, or an open bar. The only expense for the party was the fast-casual takeout the team ordered because they were staying for the evening. Indeed, the only requirements were time and space…and perhaps some mid-00s party music.