The Ego Box

One of my high school friends, Tony, put all the letters he received from colleges in a cardboard box. Given that he was both an honor student and being recruited to play multiple sports, there were numerous letters in the box. 

He said he called it the “ego box.” Whenever he had doubts about himself, he could just go to the box for an ego-boosting reminder of his skills and accomplishments.   

Professional golfer Xander Schauffele does the opposite. Schauffele has won multiple major tournaments and an Olympic gold medal, but he doesn’t keep any of the trophies in his house. His parents keep the trophies, and he has no idea where his gold medal is. His reasoning: “I don’t want to walk into a trophy room like, ‘Look how great I am.’” 

Both strategies are applicable to finding happiness at work. 

For example, even if you’ve climbed the corporate ladder to become a Vice President—a great accomplishment—the conversation typically turns to how you can make the step to Executive Vice President. In that conversation, your skills and successes are almost taken for granted because everyone else at your level has the same thing. At the same time, performance feedback conversations shift to be about what skills you don’t have relative to the next level and what else you need to prove. 

For many people, that deficit-focused conversation causes them to forget that they’re already accomplished! 

The leaders I see who are most satisfied with their work seem to have the right balance between being rightfully proud of their past accomplishments and not being defined by their future accomplishments.

They use their past accomplishments as a periodic reminder—much like Tony’s ego box—to maintain a healthy perspective on their skills and professional value. Some people even keep an active connection to the external job market, knowing that even if they temporarily lose confidence in their abilities, recruiters will be there to complement them.

At the same time, they find contentment in the present because accomplishments, including reaching the next one, are not central to their purpose or ego. For example, instead of focusing on his trophies, the golfer Schauffele focuses on his craft. He said, “[R]ight now I really want to keep my head down and keep charging.” 

Whatever the “trophies” are in our lives, they don’t need to be front and center in our homes or in our minds.